Adoption Stories: Dana W. – Biological Mother
Conversations about adoption are often missing the voices of people who have lived it. In our Adoption Stories series, adoptees, biological parents, adoptive parents, and their families share their journeys in their own words. (Lightly edited for clarity.) This month, we welcome Dana W., a biological mother.
What are your experiences with adoption?
I placed a child for adoption.
What do you think are the most common myths or misconceptions about adoption?
That adoption and foster care are the same.
What do you wish more people understood about adoption?
That while there can definitely be trauma in closed adoption and when adoptive parents shut out the birth family, adoption can also be beautiful when done openly and when relationships with the biological family are maintained whenever possible.
In your opinion, what makes an adoption process ethical or unethical?
Monetizing it is problematic. It shouldn’t cost tens of thousands of dollars, and we need to review how open adoption contracts are not legally enforced. Also, birth family erasure is a serious issue
Are there specific reforms or changes you think should be made in adoption practices or laws?
Definitely! We need to advocate for birth parents more, and the government should fund adoptions FULLY.
How do you see adoption portrayed in public discourse? Do you feel this is accurate?
It’s a mix. I see pro-lifers taking it too far and shoving it down abortion-minded women’s throats, and I have seen people call adoption human trafficking and selling humans and say that all adoption is trauma.
Is there anything else you’d like to share about your perspective on adoption?
I was blessed to have a beautiful adoption story. The couple I chose from hundreds became part of our extended family, attending events and family reunions, so my son has remained in my life. As an adult he reached out to me wanting to connect more, and we have bonded deeply. He calls me mom. I was simply too young and against abortion, and the biological father would have been absent, so I wanted my baby to have both a mom and dad present. He’s a beautiful human being, and we are now very close.
Any recommended resources for people who want to better understand adoption?
Listen to adoptees; they are the voices that should be elevated most, not adoptive parents.
If you are interested in sharing your experiences with adoption, please complete this survey.
If you’d like to learn how to to effectively share your story, check out our free, self-paced Storytelling Symposium.
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