Livestream recap: “Connecting Across Differences” with Support After Abortion

If you’d like me to present to your organization about secular post-abortion healing, contact me through our Speakers page.

Kylee Heap of Support After Abortion invited me to speak to a group of abortion healing providers about healing for secular women. You can listen to or watch the replay here, or read the summary below.

Key Takeaways

1. Many people who seek post-abortion support are secular or not ready for religious healing, and they often feel isolated in pro-choice social circles that minimize their grief.
2. Effective support focuses on meeting people where they are by acknowledging their experience, normalizing complex emotions, encouraging storytelling, and offering flexible rituals.
3. Patience, transparency, and community referrals can all help build trust. Avoid pushing for agreement on religion or politics.in

Summary

“Not regret, but suffering.”

In this presentation, I review research and testimonials suggesting a large number of abortions are accepted despite conflicting values, unwanted, or coerced. Even women who explicitly say they don’t regret their abortions often still experience grief, trauma, or loss. These experiences are not uncommon, including among people who support abortion rights.

I explain why connecting across different worldviews is essential for post-abortion support. Non-religious women are disproportionately likely to seek abortion, and disproportionately likely to feel they need support after their abortions. This phenomenon may be in part because religious women are more likely to already be part of strongly connected social communities with resources and places for healing. Additionally, non-religious women are more likely to have pro-choice friends and family members who may minimize or misunderstand grief over abortion. This can leave women feeling muted and isolated.

“Absorb the discomfort to make space for them.”

Support After Abortion’s research shows that many people who want help after abortion do not want a religious approach to healing, at least initially. This creates a clear need for non-religious or flexible pathways to healing. I underscore how healing rarely happens quickly. It often takes months or years, and requires patience, listening, building trust, and respecting boundaries.

“Your feelings are your feelings.”

I outline practical steps to supportive care that can work across worldviews. These include

1. Acknowledging the person’s experience
2. Affirming that grief takes many forms, and all emotions are okay
3. Encouarging storytelling
4. Helping people understand how they personally process grief
5. Identifying helpful rituals

Rituals can include memorial acts, creative projects, symbolic gestures, or service to others.

Community support and referrals matter; rarely can a single group or organization meet every need.

I close by emphasizing that secular people don’t necessarily view disbelief as a choice. Support spaces should be transparent, welcoming, and felxible, so people can heal where they are rather than where others wish they were.

Additional Resources

• Finding mental health counselors for secular post-abortion healing
• Hope After Loss: a non-religious book about processing miscarriage grief
• The crucial importance of secular post-abortion healing
• SPL’s Bridges Intensive (a full-day workshop on having useful conversations with pro-choice friends and family)

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