Adoption Stories: J.H. – Adoptive Parent
Conversations about adoption are often missing the voices of people who have lived it. Countless individuals have firsthand experience with adoption, and their stories deserve to be heard. In this series, “Adoption Stories,” we’re giving adoptees, adoptive parents, and their families a platform to share their journeys in their own words. (Lightly edited for clarity.) This month, we welcome J.H.
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What are your experiences with adoption?
I adopted a child.
What do you think are the most common myths or misconceptions about adoption?
That someone wouldn’t want a special-needs child and also that someone couldn’t love a child that they didn’t give birth to.
What do you wish more people understood about adoption?
I know a few families who have adopted children with special needs, and the amount of love one can give to a special-needs child is unbelievable. That the effort that they can put into caring for the child is more than people can imagine. That the love you can receive with this child and your family is incredible. It’s the same love as giving birth to your child. I have done both.
In your opinion, what makes an adoption process ethical or unethical?
For us, in my opinion, the reason we chose to adopt with the agency we did was because they took the care of the birth mother as a priority as well. Post-adoption mentally, sometimes financially, it was about the baby, but it was also about the birth mother, and we liked that.
Are there specific reforms or changes you think should be made in adoption practices or laws?
We tried to adopt a set of siblings in our state, through the state system… Foster care and the state wanted to separate them and adopt them out individually instead of putting them in one household. And then they denied us because we wanted to keep them together.
How do you see adoption portrayed in public discourse? Do you feel this is accurate?
Like the child is lucky to have someone… Which I don’t agree with. I think we are lucky to have her. I think the adoption is portrayed as a charity, having pity, and I don’t agree with that for me. I just wanted to grow my family and could not do it without adoption.
I don’t like the public perception that people only want to adopt perfect babies. I also don’t like the perception that adoption is like a Lifetime movie—that it’s very simple; it’s complex.
Is there anything else you’d like to share about your perspective on adoption?
I do think adoption is beautiful. I do wish the public perspective didn’t see it as simple as they do. That there are complex feelings and families involved. But these families are loving; these children are valued! No matter where their lives began.
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