Adoptees name common myths about adoption

We ask adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, and relatives to share their real experiences with adoption. Sometimes we publish one person’s full survey. Other times, like in this post, we collect many answers to one question. Here, adoptees answer: “What are the biggest myths or misconceptions about adoption?”

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What are the biggest myths or misconceptions about adoption?

That a biological mother didn’t want their child or love their child. Many times adoptees may feel this way. I didn’t, but I realize many do have that difficult emotional aspect, even if it’s untrue, they may feel that way.

Jessica Campbell

The happy ending… even the most loved and cared for adopted kids still experience trauma that is often swept under the rug or overshadowed by a “good life.”

Anonymous

I find a lot of people think that adoption is some sort of human trafficking ring which is not the case. I also see that people expect us to be broken in some way. Like being adopted is an unrecoverable trauma. It isn’t.

Erica Suits

That we don’t bond with our parents as completely as a natural child. That we are somehow not a “real” family.

LP

That adopted kids are always disabled
Kids are always given up because they are unwanted
Adoption isn’t worth the money/time
Infant or young child adoption is unethical

NM

“Open” adoptions are legally “open”; this is false. “Open” adoptions are pretty much a verbal agreement.
Foster care = adoptable; it does not. It takes a long time for parent’s rights to be terminated, then finding lawyers and a judge, then getting a court date, etc.

Brooklyn S.

That adoptees, especially international ones, are all “bought” through a black market or through trafficking. That we all either love or hate our experiences/families.

Natalie H.

That it is a gift for the child to be adopted into a loving family, when it is really patching up families. Adoption is often suggested as a better option than abortion. However, a birth mother still experiences significant loss and so does the child. Every effort should be made to keep mother and child together before even considering the possibility of adoption. It is still a better choice than an abortion.

Anonymous

Two common misconceptions: that adoption results in broken/troubled children and grown children, and also that the biological relationships can be severed at infancy without consequence to the adoptee.

BW

Both that it’s all sunshine and rainbows, and that it’s all bad.

Anonymous

I think, by far, the most common misconception about adoption is that the foster care system and the adoption system are one and the same. Although I understand this is an unpopular opinion based on my own experience and seeing the experiences of others, I also think there’s a misconception that open adoptions are the healthiest approach.

Kenneth B.

That the adoptee is so integrated into the adoptive family that they don’t feel any need to locate the birth family.

Patricia Smith

That all adoptees live happily ever after, that adoption is the solution to abortion.

GD

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