Her Story: Glimmers of Justification

With my first child I refused it, it didn’t matter. There was no way I would risk miscarriage (1 in 100 for the follow up test) under any circumstance, least of all based on the results of a test that deals in statistical probability. Besides abortion was out of the question irrespective of the results.

This time round however I accepted the test. Why did I do that? Having that simple blood test is after all tacit admission that should the results be other than you would hope that you would, as the leaflet tactfully puts it, ‘consider your options’. 

Perhaps having one child changes your perspective, makes you more concerned about the implications for others of your decisions. I don’t know. What I do know is that waiting for the results I was terrified and that I hoped desperately that my pro-life convictions wouldn’t be tested. Mercifully for me they weren’t, but that’s really not the point.

During that week I could hardly think of anything but what I would do should the results be positive. Glimmers of justification formed for what had always been, to me, unjustifiable and it shook me deeply.

I have no conclusions to draw from this experience, no new insights now on fighting abortion. Just a disturbing understanding that if I could feel my conviction waver, even so minutely, how much harder it must be for women in a less comfortable situation and without already formed pro-life views to choose life when the alternative might seem so much simpler.