Why “You’re Not Really Pro-Life” Isn’t Helping
In this recent discussion, Monica and I unpack the motivations behind these pro-life purity tests, the psychology of gatekeeping, and the impact of exclusionary language on the abortion debate. You can listen to or watch the replay here:
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard it over the years: “You’re not really pro-life unless you also believe X.”
Sometimes that X factor is something I personally agree with, like support for a strong social safety net or opposing the death penalty. Sometimes X is something I disagree with like affirming tenets of Christianity or opposition to contraception.
Either way, I’m sick of this framing and I wish people on every side would stop doing it.
As someone who does personally embrace a Consistent Life Ethic, I understand the urge to call people who believe in the right to life for unborn children to extend their empathy to other groups. I get frustrated when people (especially politicians) who call themselves pro-life hold exceptions in their view for children conceived in rape.
But the truth is, the “not really pro-life” accusation does more to signal ideological purity than it does to move anyone closer to our position. In many cases, it does the opposite.
Gatekeeping Pushes People Away
When we tell someone “you’re not really pro-life,” what we’re doing is assigning them an identity. We’re saying: you don’t belong to this tribe. For some people, that’s enough to make them shrug and say, “Okay fine, I guess I’m pro-choice then.”
There are lots of Americans who oppose almost all abortions, except in rare cases like rape – but because this makes them “not really pro-life,” they instead identify as pro-choice. That matters because identity can shape behavior; including how we vote.
Right now, in actuality, most people are somewhere in the middle. They’re uncomfortable with abortion, especially later in pregnancy, but don’t support a total ban. We can either shame people like this for lacking ideological purity or we can acknowledge their concerns about abortion and invite them in to our work.
There’s More Than One Way to Do Pro-Life Work
A lot of important pro-life work has nothing to do with the law or politics at all. We can disagree about specifics while still working together to help women, support families, offer resources, and change minds about the value of unborn life one conversation at a time.
It’s not helpful to tell someone who volunteers at a pregnancy center, talks friends out of abortion, and supports parents in crisis that they’re “not really pro-life” because they disagree with me about how abortion should be regulated or because of issues totally unrelated to abortion.
I want more people doing this work, not less, so I want to encourage anyone who is willing to claim the pro-life label and work to reduce and eliminate abortion with me – irrespective of where they stand on other issues.
Additional Resources
- “You either support reproductive autonomy or you don’t.”
- On the Single-Issue Struggle
- We Asked, You Answered: What are points of agreement you have with the other side?
- How to talk (not fight) about abortion (brochure)
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