1. Emotional healing is a prerequisite for public advocacy.

Before you share your story with a larger audience, you have to be honest with yourself about where you are in your own healing process. Vulnerability is a powerful tool for building bridges, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your mental health. If certain parts of your story still feel raw, that is often a sign that you need more time to reflect and process before going public.

2. Boundaries are necessary for self-care.

Sharing a deeply personal experience can be emotionally draining, especially in unfriendly environments. It is vital to set your boundaries before you step into a high-pressure situation, like a press conference or a media interview. You don’t owe anyone answers to intrusive questions. Knowing exactly what you are willing to share and what is off-limits ahead of time helps you stay in control of the conversation and protects your well-being.

3. Your story affects others.

Most stories involve family, friends, or loved ones, and their privacy must be respected. If you haven’t shared your story with your family yet, you aren’t ready to share it with the world. Be mindful of how your narrative affects your personal relationships. When in doubt, leave out identifying details, photos, or names to protect those around you, especially if your loved ones hold different convictions about abortion.

How do you know when you’re ready to tell your story? How do you take care of yourself when you share a story?

The personal story is the reality of abortion.

Many pro-lifers have stories that they would like to share, either within their own circles or with the general public. Sharing your story can be healing and empowering, but it can also affect your physical and mental wellbeing, relationships, and employment. 

The Abortion Survivors Network (ASN), which now has a webpage that allows people to submit their stories, tries to strike a balance between minimizing gates for storytellers while maintaining certain guardrails to protect them. This module provides ASN guidance for storytellers.

Reflect on your story

Before sharing your story with others, take some time to reflect on it yourself.

Think about your story and why you want to share it. Ask yourself: “What do I hope to achieve by telling my story?” Catharsis? A warning to those who may face similar circumstances? Solidarity with others who have been through a similar experience? If you’re aware of why you’re telling your story, the feedback you receive will be easier to process.

Know your story better than anyone else. Sometimes (e.g., if you’re an abortion survivor who doesn’t remember the actual experience), you might have holes in your story. It’s OK not to know everything. You just have to know what you don’t know.

Reflect on and process the complicated emotional layers of your story before you choose which parts of your story to share. Focus on the parts of your story that people can relate to. Consider:

• What parts of your story bring you hope, joy, and peace? These are important threads and connections to other people.

• What parts of your story hurt? It’s OK to admit that you’re still angry and that you struggle with forgiveness. At the same time, be careful of the language you use. You don’t want to say something you’ll regret later.

• What parts of your story make you emotional or uncomfortable? These may not be points to avoid, but points to carefully reflect on. Consider whether they are just a tender place in your life, as we all have, or whether they are a symptom of needing more healing before being shared.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Vulnerability goes a long way towards building bridges with people, including people who otherwise wouldn’t be receptive to your message. Just be careful to strike a balance between showing vulnerability and protecting yourself.

Listen to the feedback you receive about your story. Write it down. Listen to the stories people tell you in return.

Focus on your emotional health and boundaries

Be aware of how emotionally difficult it might be to share your story, especially in certain contexts. Telling your story in a church surrounded by other abortion survivors is different (and probably easier) than doing it in the middle of Times Square in a press conference about surviving an abortion.

Take the circumstances into account. Will you be traveling? Will you be surrounded by loved ones who can support you? Will you be in a place that is completely unfriendly to you? Are you going to feel on edge? All these things add up.

Establish boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe. They are an important part of emotional health and physical wellness. Other people might ask you intrusive questions or want you to share parts of your story before you’re ready to talk about them. It’s up to you to set your boundaries ahead of time and know what to say when asked a difficult question.

Remember to take care of yourself. Sharing your personal story can be emotionally draining. When you’re rundown, sick, or overly tired, it affects both your physical ability to speak clearly and effectively and your emotional health. Recognize when you’re not at your best and practice self-care.

Recognize your limits and don’t overload yourself. Don’t feel guilty for saying “no.”

Surround yourself with people who can help protect you. Lean on your family and friends.

This guidance also applies to pro-life leaders who engage storytellers. Be mindful of the emotional wellbeing of your storytellers. Consider: Is this a fair, healthy, and safe thing to ask someone to do? How can we support the storyteller? How do we help them if they’re not doing well?

Protect yourself and others

Be careful of how you tell your story and what details you share, both for your own sake and the sake of those around you. If your story concerns another person, like your child, spouse, or parent, think about what effect the story will have on them. How will they feel if they someday find their name and details being shared publicly? How will it affect your relationship with them?

Respect your loved ones’ right to know. In most cases, they should hear it first. If you haven’t shared your story with your family, you’re not ready to share it with the public.

Be very careful about sharing names; family photos; or details like estrangement, abuse, or neglect. When in doubt, keep identifying details out. This also applies to pro-life leaders, who might need to edit identifying details out of a story they’re going to share.

Respect other people’s privacy and integrity. If you’re sharing someone else’s story, be extra careful about how you tell their story and what details you include. In addition, consider how they feel about abortion. If you have family members or friends who are pro-choice, don’t use their photos, etc., to make a pro-life point.

Do your research on the websites you use. If you connect with a pro-life organization to tell your story, make sure the group is legit. You want to know how they will use your story.

In summary

Having a powerful story is humbling. Although we often feel alone and even ashamed or confused or overwhelmed by our experiences, we also tend to feel responsible for using it for good. Sharing your story takes strength and courage that most people don’t appreciate.

Most of the power of storytelling is in our personal lives, when we connect with the people around us. In this way, we can all be activists, even without a public platform.