1. Prioritize connection over immediate conversion.

Approaching a conversation with the sole intent of forcing a change of mind is often counterproductive and causes people to dig in. Our primary goal should be to build a genuine connection. When we focus on shared human experience and honest dialogue, we facilitate the identification necessary for long-term culture change. The real work of the movement often happens in these one-on-one, spontaneous conversations.

2. Combine structural rigor with uncompromising integrity.

To make a story “sticky” and memorable, we should follow the “SUCCESS” framework by keeping it simple, unexpected, concrete, credible, emotional, and structured. Our stories must also be grounded in total honesty. We must resist the temptation to exaggerate or add fictional details for effect. In secular advocacy, our credibility is our most valuable asset, and maintaining integrity ensures our message remains bulletproof.

3. Build mutual respect through reciprocal curiosity.

Effective storytelling requires a two-way street of communication. If we want people to listen to our stories, we must be willing to listen to theirs with genuine interest. When someone shares pro-choice convictions, we should respond with curiosity by asking how they arrived at that position rather than immediately attacking their view. By remaining composed and showing respect, we create the rapport needed to be heard by the audience that needs our message most.

1. Our stories connect us.

Often, pro-lifers approach others with the intention of getting them to change their position. This is counterproductive. Trying to force other people to change their minds just makes them dig in. Our goal should be to connect with people, not to convert them.

One of the most helpful things you can do as a pro-lifer is to have spontaneous, honest conversations with the people around you. It’s fine if you don’t want to go public with your story. Just sharing it with your family and friends is more than enough. The real work of the pro-life movement happens one-on-one or in a small group.

Storytelling facilitates connection, connection facilitates identification, and identification facilitates change. Over time, storytelling can change the culture.

If you do want to formally write and present your story, here are some tips for both.

2. Writing your story

If you decide to go public with your story, it is important to rehearse (or rewrite) first. Chances are, you already possess powerful storytelling skills, but great storytelling takes practice. Your story might also evolve over time and take a different shape.

Audience

When writing your story, the first step is to identify your audience. You may find you naturally tell your story differently to different groups of people. You might choose an angle or details which you know will resonate with them.  The better you know your audience, the better you can frame your story just for them.

Try to get into your audience’s heads and figure out what they would find persuasive. Ask yourself, “To whom do I want to tell my story? What do they value? What is important to them?”

Once you’ve characterized your audience, ask yourself these three questions:

• What do I want them to know?
• What do I want them to feel?
• What do I want them to do?

Narrative arc

All stories follow a similar story arc. The desire for a narrative arc is imprinted in all of us. If you want your story to be effective, structure it according to the narrative arc, as follows:

• Inciting incident: The event that kicks the story off. Try to tell it in 30 seconds or less.
• Rising action: The events that follow. During this phase, the tension slowly builds. You’re describing yourself trying to achieve a goal or overcome obstacles along the way. Any data points, sources, or interesting facts should go here. Don’t place them after the climax.
• Climax: Also called the “moment of transformation.” This is the point of no return, the high point of tension in your story. Typically, the moment before the climax feels like the hardest moment ever. Don’t rush the climax. Take your time with it and let the audience feel it.
• Falling action: The events after the climax. During this phase, tension rapidly decreases. You’re talking about the new state of things. Keep this part short.
• Resolution: The outcome of the story. Tell this part quickly.

Although all stories follow a similar arc, sometimes a story can be told in a different order. Feel free to experiment with opening your story in the middle of the action, if you think it would be more effective.

Memorability

To make your story memorable, keep “SUCCESS” in mind:

• Simple: Your story should have one big idea. It’s helpful if you can find a repeated phrase to use – something that you want your audience to remember.
• Unexpected: Your story should have an element of surprise.
• Concrete: Use vivid, sensory details to make your story memorable. Anchor the mind’s eye.
• Credible: Enhance believability by incorporating trustworthy sources. Your own story has inherent credibility. If you’re sharing someone else’s story, tell people where you heard it. If you know that a person has a particular leaning one way or another, try to find something that they already view as credible, and use that in your story.
• Emotional: Let your emotions show. If you shed a tear or your voice breaks, that’s good! Showing your emotions can be hard, but it can be helpful to the healing process. Even if someone can’t identify with your story, they can identify with the emotions you felt.
• Structure: A guiding metaphor (eg, darkness to light) can help create structure. Your story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end, with the guiding metaphor woven throughout.
• Sticky: If you follow the above pointers, you’ll make your story stick.

Integrity

It is crucial for pro-lifers to have integrity in our storytelling. Be honest. When telling your own story, resist the temptation to exaggerate or to add details that you think would make it even more effective but that didn’t actually happen.

When telling other people’s stories, make sure to get their permission to share the story, and tell it accurately.

3. Presenting your story

• Eye contact: Eye contact is essential to communication. Challenge yourself not to use notes and to speak from the heart. Look into people’s eyes, not at the back wall. Look at different people in the audience in turn. Don’t memorize your story. Your audience doesn’t know what words you meant to use – they won’t know if you deviate from your prepared phrasing.
• Pacing: Keep your pacing moderate and conversational. Too fast, and your audience won’t understand you. Too slow, and you’ll bore them. Your pace can (and should) vary according to what you’re saying. If your audience gasps or has a visible reaction, pause and slow down to allow them to dwell on the emotion.
• Standing: Your strongest stage position will be front and center. Plant your feet. Don’t lean on one hip. You can walk around as you talk, but, as you reach the climax of your story, return to the center of the room, plant your feet, slow your voice down, and look individual audience members in the eye.
• Volume: Adjust your volume to the size of the room and to your audience. For a large room without a microphone, you need to talk louder. Fill the room with your voice.
• Facial expressions: Allow yourself to feel the emotions of your story. Your face should join your mind in expressing those emotions.
• Body language: Adjust your gestures to the size of your audience: smaller gestures for a smaller audience, bigger gestures for a bigger audience. Your gestures might naturally get bigger when you feel really passionate about what you’re saying.
• Practice: As mentioned earlier, it is important to rehearse your story.

4. Things to remember

• Nervous energy: If you get nervous before presenting your story, remind yourself that you are excited. The emotion you’re feeling is not bad—it’s energy. Usually, you’ll start to feel better within a few minutes of beginning to speak. The key to overcoming performance anxiety and connecting with your audience is to remember that your purpose is to serve them. Put your focus on them, not on you.
• Don’t be intimidated by pro-choice protesters. There are people who want to hear your story, and there are probably also people in the same room who don’t want to hear your story. The latter group is more obvious. Remember that your target audience is the people who want and need to hear your story. Your story might prevent others from future suffering, and it might help them resolve past suffering. That’s why you’re doing it. If there are people loudly making clear that they don’t want to hear your story, they’re not your problem. They don’t have a right to deprive everyone else of the opportunity to hear your story.
• Don’t be disheartened if your audience doesn’t appear to react well to your story. You can’t always tell whether you’re connecting or whether you’re successful by the reaction of your audience. Sometimes, their faces are blank because they don’t know how to process your story. Sometimes, people who are post-abortive are stoic during the presentation, but then they come up to the speaker afterward and say, “Me too.” Don’t worry if some of your audience won’t meet your eyes. That might actually be a sign that you’re connecting with them.
• Don’t beat yourself up after the presentation for mistakes you made or things you wish you had expressed better. Having a family member or friend to reassure you can be helpful. Some people won’t treat your story with the dignity that it deserves. Don’t worry about them. Remember to take care of yourself.
• Timing: Sometimes, you’ll get a time limit on how long you’re allowed to speak. Be prepared to cut the length of your story to fit time constraints. Prioritize the most important elements of your story.
• Finally, work on building mutual respect with your pro-choice acquaintances. If we want people to listen to our stories, we need to listen to theirs. If you talk about your pro-life convictions and someone says, “I’m pro-choice,” show curiosity: “Tell me how you came to that.” Don’t get defensive and don’t attack them. Remember: your goal is not to change their mind, but to connect with them.

When we communicate better, we create better connections. It is through building connections that, over time, minds and hearts are changed.