Stories of Prenatal Diagnosis: Kelly R.
A prenatal diagnosis is often accompanied by the pressure to abort, leaving most parents feeling unsupported by the medical community and society at large. In our series “Stories of Prenatal Diagnosis,” we share testimonies of parents who received a diagnosis while pregnant and their personal experience in handling it. Today’s story is from Kelly R.
What conditions did your screening results indicate?
Down Syndrome.
Did it turn out to be the case that your child had these conditions?
Per the CVS results, yes.
Please tell your story of your experience in your own words.
At 14 weeks pregnant I underwent prenatal testing due to my “advanced maternal age” (37) per my OB’s recommendation. At 15 weeks, we received the results that our son had trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). We were referred to Maternal Fetal Medicine and were told that while they couldn’t confirm the severity, we should plan on our son having an extremely low quality of life if he lived at all.
We were told he would likely have to endure many surgeries and other serious medical interventions, that he might never be verbal or walk, and that we must consider how this would impact our 4-year old daughter when we passed away because she would be “stuck caring for a disabled sibling”. We were told over 90% of couples with this diagnosis choose to terminate their pregnancies and that they would help us by arranging the appointment for the termination. They never spoke to us about options. They never offered to connect us to the many support groups/associations for parents with disabled children where we could have had exposure to the other side of the coin. It was all doom and gloom.
What aspects, if any, did you like about the way your medical team handled the situation?
N/A
What aspects, if any, did you dislike about the way your medical team handled the situation?
Doom and gloom predictions. They immediately tried to sell us on termination.
What recommendations do you have for medical providers who are giving parents prenatal screening results?
Present all sides to your patients. And stop calling it termination. Speak facts and call it what it is: ABORTION – ENDING A LIFE
What recommendations do you have for parents who are receiving prenatal screening results?
Do your research. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into the medical fear cycle. There are so many stories about infants who were labeled “incompatible with life” in utero, but were later born and went on to live meaningful lives. Give your baby a chance! They also won’t tell you about the possibility of experiencing PTSD from undergoing a 2nd-trimester two-day abortion at an abortion clinic (this was my third abortion but my first 2nd-trimester abortion). The trauma I endured going through that experience was indescribable. I loved my son so much and was so excited to bring him into our family.
At the time we told ourselves that we were doing it because we loved him and didn’t want him to suffer. We likened it to having to put down our sweet family dog the year before because she had cancer. I look back at that and am dismayed at how I so desperately framed it through the lens of LOVE so that I could live with myself afterward. It breaks my heart to this day that I never got to lay eyes on my son. Never got to hold him and tell him how loved he is. I didn’t give him a chance at life. HIS LIFE MATTERED.
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