Recently received this message from follower Michelle H., reposted here with her permission:
You mentioned the argument of aborting a child because they may end up in foster care.
I adopted my son through foster care. Nothing makes me lose respect for someone faster than the “we can’t let them grow up in foster care” argument.
- A child only goes into foster care if the parents have rights. If a parent signs away those rights, the child is immediately adopted. In my state alone, there is a 3-5 year wait list for adoption. The #1 goal of foster care is reunification, and that was pursued in my son’s case for over 4 years.
- Children don’t “grow up” in foster care. Most children in foster care are not adoptable because parents still have rights. Children who have gone through the years that it takes to terminate parental rights are usually adopted within 6 months because their foster families love them. Many states encourage that with adoption subsidies for teens, sibling sets, or medical issues that mean children are statistically less likely to be adopted. The children who linger in foster care only do so because their parents show up for a while, but then disappear. Then reappear. Then disappear. Some put in minimal effort to getting their child back for years. Some put more effort in, but then get arrested. There’s lots of back and forth.
- Implying that children born to parents who initially didn’t want them will be abused to the point of state intervention is grossly underestimating women. The state only removes children if they are in critical danger. Mothers who wanted to abort, but continue the pregnancies, have an extremely high rate of bonding, similar to wanted pregnancies.
- Implying the world would be better if children like my son, or the other incredible children I’ve met in foster care, didn’t exist is a HORRIBLE thing to say. It’s not the moral high ground people think it is. He is loved. He is valued. He is valuable.
Read similar testimonies from our They Can Hear You collection.